


I like you and other things I can't say aloud

by MadamZinica



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Art, Happy Ending, Hugs, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Portraits, Shy Yang Jeongin | I.N, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), University Student Lee Felix (Stray Kids), University Student Yang Jeongin | I.N, Yang Jeongin | I.N is Whipped, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28166352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamZinica/pseuds/MadamZinica
Summary: Yang Jeongin is an art student who harbors unrequited feelings for his roommate, Lee Felix. He does what he knows best to deal with the situation: he draws.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 10
Kudos: 68
Collections: A thousand memories and a million more to come





	I like you and other things I can't say aloud

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SKZMemories](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SKZMemories) collection. 



> My first time writing a Felix/Jeongin fic but it was one of the prompts no one had claimed and I had this idea and decided to give it a try. Hope you guys like it!

Jeongin wasn't the most honest boy when it came to his feelings. He wasn't the most loving either and had a mean streak that only those close to him knew about. There was only a reason why he got away with his behaviour: he lived in a dorm with seven older boys who found him absolutely adorable. Being it by pinching his cheeks, asking for kisses or outright saying it, they all found a way to communicate how cute they thought he was.

Jeongin ignored them as best as he could. Truth be told, he didn't think understand all the fuzz. Jeongin was just a normal boy.

There were people out there who were mesmerising. When they walked into the room, the world slowed down a little, and everyone noticed the change in the aura. Or, something like that. Jeongin wasn't all that good with words, so he mostly kept to himself. He could think of one person who transformed the vibes in the room to such an obvious extent: Felix.

When Felix entered the room, the whole apartment filled with sunlight.

Felix was an Australian student, majored in dancing in the same university as him. The boy was one year and a half older than Jeongin and the person he harbored feelings for. At first, he only liked Felix's face. It was small and soft, splattered with freckles. Felix's face was like a starry sky, bright and magnetic. Once you saw him, you didn't want to divert your eyes from him. At least, that's what Jeongin felt like.

They weren't friends. They were just university students, which was the only thing they had in common, who lived together. They weren't close. It's not like Jeongin could ever confess. It was just a stupid crush, it would go away. All of them did.

But Jeongin just fell harder. Every little aspect of Felix that was revealed in their domestic life, left him craving for more. Felix finally baking the best brownies any of the boys had ever tasted, after a million failed attempts, and smiling brightly when others congratulated him on his achievement. Felix laughing when Jisung and Hyunjin annoyed Minho. Felix's voice when he woke up, which was even deeper than usual. Felix eating banana peels. Felix crying that one time Chan complimented him after a singing session in the shower.

Felix was just... So endearing. He wasn't an enigma or a hard to crack code. He was an open book and the story inside was the kind which made you smile without fail. He was warm and, ever since he had moved in, their small student flat became a home. He was the newest and most precious addition to their little group of caffeinated college majors. Jeongin wasn't the only one affected by him, the rest of the boy's smiles had grown wider. Everyone seemed more positive and happy now he was around. Specially Chan, who had pretty much adopted him as a his little brother.

Jeongin couldn't express his emotions aloud. Instead, he drew. Whenever he wondered how would Felix's lips fit against his own, he drew his mouth, pink and with an acentuated cupid's bow. When he thought about their fingers interwined, Felix's short one's in between Jeongin's long fingers, he drew the boy's hands. It didn't do much, besides fuel his imagination, but it allowed him to explore his adoration in peace and solitude.

Drawing from memory was hard. He noticed the difference between what he had drawn about Felix and the real Felix. Everything paled in comparison. The eyes werent't sparkly or big enough, the lower lip was too small or his nose was too narrow. It's not like he had any opportunity to draw the boy while actually using him as reference. Eight boys living in one apartment meant there was no privacy. Felix and him were never alone. And he would never be brave enough to openly sketch him, even if they were.

There was one time when he indulged. Minho, Jisung, Chan, Hyunjin, Changbin and Seungmin had all left. Felix was napping and Jeogin was staring at him, deliberating on whether it was morally correct to sketch a sleeping man. Eventually, he stopped and grabbed his sketchbook. He started drawing to his hearts content. He drew maniacally, his pencil flowing on the paper like the water of a dam after its gates were opened. It spilled everywhere, filling the sketchbook with Felix, Felix, Felix...

"Innie," Seungmin said and Yeongin froze where he sat besides Felix, "What are you doing?" He looked over Yeongin's shoulder, clearly knowing the answer.

"Nothing." Jeongin lied. Seungmin saw right through him.

"You could have just asked if you needed models. Most of us would have said yes." Seungmin, who had modeled for Jeongin countless times before, said.

Jeongin didn't have the heart, or the guts, to tell him there was only one person he wanted to draw at the moment.

"Yeah, I know." Yeongin said, closing the sketchbook. Felix drawing time had come to an end.

Felix danced a lot. Usually, he did so at the dance studio with Minho and Hyunjin but the studio was being renovated which meant the three of them where practicing in the living room. The differences in their styles were obvious even for the untrained spectators. Minho had the best technique and some sinful dance moves. He blended with the background easily, regardless of his outstanding performance. Hyunjin's style was fierce and focused in the details, like coordinated head and body movements. Felix's dancing was expressive and youthful, radiating positivity.

Jeongin paid attention. It was like reading a new page of Felix's persona, his newest and most persistent obsession.

"I liked it." Jeongin told Felix. It wasn't a lot but it was an honest opinion. Felix smiled and started shaking happily.

"Oh, my God. Really? That's good. Thank you, Innie."

Jeongin remembered thinking he found it weird at first, how Felix would vibrate with excitement whenever he was feeling good about something. Now he could appreaciate it as he should have since the beggining, as one of Felix's unintentional charms. It made sense that with how physically communicative he was, his dancing communicated his character so well.

Felix was a very affectionate person. Jeongin liked to be touched, although sometimes it got overwhelming. That often happened with Seungmin and Minho, who were very insistent. Felix was different, less imposing. Him playing with the hem of your hoodie or the hairs of your nape made you want to lean closer. Jeongin didn't really reject Felix's lovely, albeit unfrequent, displays of affection. Maybe Felix also felt shy around him. Or maybe they weren't close enough to classify as cuddle buddies. Or, perhaps the worse possibility, Jeongin wasn't cuddling material.

Jeongin was washing the dishes, it had been his turn the night before but he had avoided his responsabilities, putting a dumb excuse and making puppy eyes at Chan to wash them instead. Seungmin wouldn't let that happen twice though, the boy had a very strong sense of right and wrong.

Arms enveloped his waist, tentatively, and rested them at his stomach softly. He felt the body behind him melt into his frame.The size of the hands and the delicate touch, let him know it was Felix. He was so warm and a bit heavy, leaning into him. It was like having the sun hug him. It was strange but nice. He was slow at washing, not really the best at anything that had to do with cleaning. This time though, with Felix hugging him like that, he was more that happy to dedicate the next hour to washing dirty plates and glasses stained with greasy fingers.

"What are you doing?" Jeongin asked, curious.

"Making you company." Felix whispered. His arms became looser. "I can leave if I'm bothering you." He said timidly.

"No, don't go. This is... Nice." He admitted, a small smile appearing on his face.

That night, Felix laid next to Jeongin in bed. He didn't ask if he could, he just plopped beside him and inspected the younger's face for any sign of rejection. There were none, only astonishment. Felix got closer and put his head on Jeongin's shoulder and started playing with his hand.

"What is this? Tiny hand." Jeongin bent his fingers over Felix's, relishing in the size difference. One inch differnce, and that was only counting the fingers. Felix chuckled.

Now, Jeongin twirled Felix's hand around and caressed the smooth skin. Then, he entwined their fingers, fullfilling one of his fantasies. And it felt amazing. This probably meant nothing to Felix and Jeongin knew that. He couldn't help to hope. Hope that someday, somehow Felix would feel the same way.

He heard snoring in his ear and smiled. He closed his eyes, deciding to enjoy the proximity of their bodies. He could worry later.

He woke up with Chan standing in front of him, holding his phone. Chan had woken up earlier than him? What time was it? Chan smiled weakly, exhaustation visible in his face.

"I'm going to bed. I just took a few pics of you two because you looked so cute!" He said and walked to his bed, practically passing out after a few minutes.

7 A.M., no wonder even Chan was tired. That was very late/early, depending on who you were asking.

He glanced to the side, Felix face was dangerously close to his. He got up, careful not to wake him up.

He went to the kitchen and began preparing breakfast. Seungmin was already there, eating cereal. When Jeongin sat in fron of him, Seungmin said something that scared him.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? I would never judge you." Seungmin's face was unreadable. Jeongin considered that he might know about his feelings, having figured it out somehow.

"I know, hyung." He responded timidly and wished Seungmin didn't know anything.

Seungmin was his friend. But talking about his crush was... Embarrasing. He would combust if he did.

It was final season and life was tense in their dormitary. Seungmin had almost killed Jeongin for sitting on his bed without showering after working out. Chan had eaten all of Changbin's chips, which made the latter extremely mad. Minho and Jisung were being chaotic forces of nature, as usual. Hyunjin snapped at Felix, who cried because there were a few steps of their choreography he had trouble with. It was hell.

Jeongin barely spent any time at home, choosing to study in the library instead. He made a few studies for his anatomy class and then went back to his most recent hobby: drawing Felix. Suddenly, someone gasped.

"Is that me?!" Felix yelled, causing the distraught students who were also there to shush him. "Sorry." He apologized.

He sat next to Jeongin, who swallowed thickly.

"I didn't know you wanted to draw me. You could have just asked, y'know? I would have loved to help." Felix said, flashing him a genuine smile.

"What if I wanted to draw more that just your face?" Jeongin questioned. Felix's eyebrows shot up and he blushed.

"You mean, like, a nude?" He murmured with shame. Jeongin turned red.

"No! That's not-"

They got kicked off the library.

They found refuge in a small coffee shop.

"So, you want to draw me," Felix started and frowned, "But not my face."

"I do want to draw your face, it's just," He sighed. "I just want to draw a lot more than that. Your hands, your feet, your bellybutton..." Jeongin trailed off.

"I don't think I undestand. But, I'm okay with you drawing my bellybutton, if it will make you happy."

_There are other things that will make me happy. But those are things I can't tell you._

"That's not what I meant." Jeongin said. Felix frowned.

"Then what...?"

Jeongin stood up.

"I can't deal with this right now." He said and exited the shop, leaving a very confused Felix behind.

Jeongin wanted to dig a hole and die. That was so awkward. Poor Felix, having to deal with Jeongin and his stupid feelings. The door swung open, having lost all restraint with the anxiety clouding his judgement.

Chan and Seungmin were reading their notes and Minho was dancing. They stared at him because of the dramatic entrance.

"I have a big crush on Felix and I don't know what to do!" He confessed.

Chan gaped like a fish and Seungmin and Minho shared a knowing look.

They made him a cup of tea and sat on the couch with him, as he poured his heart out. Tears may have fallen and some emotional hugs from Seungmin, Minho and Chan. Chan's hugs were the best, not as good as Felix's, but still pretty good.

They reached a concensus on what Yeongin should do. It was what he knew he should have done since it all started. He wouldn't resist it anymore.

Jeongin had to turn a painting for one of his classes. He had an idea.

The painting was good enough that one of his teachers offered to put it up in a local galery, nothing too big or fancy, but still a great chance. He invited Felix, who he had avoided since the last conversation they had had.

When Felix arrived, Jeongin felt like he could get a heart attack from the nervousness. What if Felix hated it?

Felix greeted him. The smile left his face when he saw the painting, his mouth hanging open with shock.

"It's me!" He pointed at it, and gazed at Jeongin, bewildered.

"Yeah." Jeongin said.

"Through the lenses of love." He read a bit slowly, hangul was one of his weaknesses. "What does that mean?" He looked at Jeongin, expecting an explanation.

Felix laughing through a small layer of pink varnish was the painting. It could mean a lot of things, art was open to interpretation. To Jeongin it had only one meaning: he was in love with Lee Felix and tried to convey it through the mediums of expression he knew the best. Apparently, he hadn't been clear enough.

"I like you, Felix." He said. It was a rather underwhelming confession. He had to muster all the courage to paint his painting and allow Felix to see it. He wasn't good at saying things aloud. He hadn't prepared a speech, thinking his art was good enough.

Felix just blinked.

"Huh? What-?" He gaped at Jeongin. "Really?"

Jeongin nodded.

"I would have never guessed." Felix said. "Does this mean you want to like, date and stuff?"

"Yes, I do." Yeongin answered. They locked eyes and Felix forgot how to articulate words. "We don't have to if you don't want to. Don't feel pressured to say yes." He added shyly, trying to mask the sadness that overcame him at the possibility.

"I," Felix looked away. "I think I've started liking you too. We could try, being together I mean." He said, blushing a deep shade of pink.

Jeongin just smiled, feeling blissful. He caressed Felix's burning cheek.

"I'd like that." He murmured sweetly. "Shall we start?" He offered his hand to Felix, whose eyes almost escaped their sockets.

"Now?" He asked with surprise. Jeongin shrugged.

"Only if you want to."

Felix took his hand and Jeongin couldn't believe he ever hesitated to be open about his feelings.

 _Being honest is very rewarding_ , he thought, filled with delight.

**Author's Note:**

> Not me going to sleep at 6.30 a.m. becuase I wanted to add a work to this collection and I had to finish it before the time limit lol


End file.
